DEFINITLY

“ The Saddest part of a broken heart, Is not the ending so much as the start,
  The Tragedy starts from the very first sparks, losing your mind for the sake of your heart " -Feist


Maybe this is a usual love story, maybe this is only one of many stories that has been written and analyzed. Maybe this is just a story about a boy and a girl. Maybe,perhaps,this is a story about human connection.

This relationship starts awkwardly, and still moves awkwardly, strange but fitting, with a tint of sadness in the air, for we don’t know the outcome of this. Is there any chance for us to even touch each other? for all I know, he has become my thin rope somewhere in the air, that I glide with. Navigating romance in the modern world, we spoke in the telephone and chat on the internet. Can we even call this a relationship? I need a ground that I can stand on, before we meet, all this thing that we are doing right now, is like a thin smoke in the air, so fragile, so without a weight, I can’t touch it, I can’t feel it, I can’t remember his face, but all this feeling inside of my heart suggest that I long for him. That maybe along the line, all this waiting is worth it in the end.

What is it in him, that made me open up so wide, showing my wounds, and tears that came out, just because I could not even give him a big warm hug when he needed one?

I wonder what made him want me?

The past can not be edited, but sometimes, I wonder, what if we take our chances along time ago? And we do not have to deal with this situation of wants and needs divided by this distance. But then again, maybe, the both of us need to take some journey in our lives separately, to evolve into someone that is compatible for each other. That maybe, all of this hardship that we endure, is just another passage we need to get by. I don’t know, I seriously don’t know.

That’s why there’s this sad undertone about our relationship. Both of us, can’t see the shore. yet.


There are so many years has passed without me seeing his face, this relationship is based on our memories. This relationship is based on our dreams. All I can hold on dear inside of my heart, for right now is his voice. The way he advise me, all those practicality of life that I always seems to not know, he knows. He’s soothing voice, telling me not to cry, when I become a cry baby over nothing. ( I only cried in front of the people I hold dear in my heart). The excitement of his voice when he talks about football. His voice when he demands answer from me. His articulate way of explaining things, unlike me, who just mumbles incoherent words. He is simple, and I’m tangled up. I want to understand him better, but I couldn't even see his expression. 

So this is what it feels like, huh?